Police Interview Transcript Volume 1

The Interview
Name: The Adonis ███, AKA  ██  ███  ████

PART 1 OF RECORDED INTERVIEW

Date:- 01/10/2021

Duration:- 7 and 3/4 minutes

Location:- ████,  ████,  ████, Northern Hemisphere

No. of Pages:- Undisclosed

Conducted By Officers from The ████ Department-Interview Notes Refer To Interviewing Party As POLICE

POLICE: I am Officer ████ Of The  ████ Squad, the time at present is 20:40, the suspect was processed several minutes ago and has consented to this interview being tape recorded and the contents of the recording used as evidence if necessary. Now for the record you are ████-

TA: It's The Adonis actually, I'd prefer if you called me that.

POLICE: But you are the individual named ██  ███   ████, correct?

TA: Correct.

POLICE: *Scribbling* Time is 20:41, suspect has requested to be referred to as The Adonis, this request will be given for the rest of the interview's duration. Now, has the reason for your arrest been given to you?

TA: No, but it probably has something to do with those children I saw in the ambulance, are they alright by the way?

POLICE: It does relate to those children yes, they're currently on life support and comatose so we are unable to gather statements from then, I hope you'll be able to help us by answering some questions about what happened to them.

TA: I'll do what I can to help.

POLICE: Your co-operation is very much appreciated. Now, we have several witnesses that claim to have seen them...

* Rustling of paper*

"Getting into really big trouble" as they put it, and it is claimed you were the person getting them into the aforementioned really big trouble. What comment would you add to that?

TA: I mean, I saw the kids earlier, sure but I never touched nor spoke to them.

POLICE: It was reported one of them started pushing you in the back as you were walking by him, did this happen?

TA: Aye yes he did start pushing me in the back, thought it was the wind at first.

* Brief Laughter from the suspect is heard, followed only by the whirring's of the tape recorder*

POLICE: Yes, quite, so he started pushing you in the back and then what happened?

* The suspect reportedly shrugged before answering*

TA: I ignored him and continued walking, wasn't anything to get upset about.

POLICE: Well according to witnesses you were very upset about this and proceeded to get them into the aforementioned aforementioned really big trouble and then walked back the way you came, that's quite a conflict in accounts, wouldn't you say?

TA: Certainly would seem so, I have no idea why that was reported, I imagine it was an individual of sub 124IQ and sub 6 feet in stature, you know the sort, short and stubby little cretins who try to make up for their almost endless deficiencies by waffling about things they have no clue about?

POLICE: I... I was given no description of the witnesses so am unable to comment, I take it you disagree with the testimony, th-

TA: And another thing, I don't understand, I just can't comprehend why these people think it's fine to try and ruin a mans reputation with false details and accounts that waste everyone's time, the pretentiousness of these people is baffling, are you able to elucidate?

Never mind, you won't be able to, if a man of my stature and intelligence finds it a head scratcher, you might as well try to solve Quantum Physics in its entirety, the amount of effort it'd take you. POLICE: Sir please-

TA: It's The Adonis! I told you that earlier, have you forgotten already? Is your stature and intelligence so limited you've already forgotten what was said a mere few minutes ago, if that? I don't think you'd even get a participation prize in a memory competition full of goldfish would you?

POLICE: Sir your obsession with stature and intellect is not relevant to this conversation nor is your opinion of other people's stature and intelligence nor how you view them based on that, now if you don't mind-

TA: Excuse me?

POLICE: I said neither your obsession with height or intelligence nor what you think of people based on that is-

TA: Who do you think you are?

POLICE: I'm Officer █-

TA: Just who do you think you are?

You disrespectful, disgusting man!

My opinion doesn't matter!

A man of my stature-

POLICE: Not even a full 6'3 stature

TA: ....

* Officer ████ presses the panic button*

TA: First of all, 6'3 is 6'3 doesn't matter if you're BARELY 6'3 or EXACTLY 6'3 or NOT EVEN 6'3 BY THE END OF THE DAY 6'3, 6'3 is 6'3 and you'd do well to remember that, and you'd also do well TO START SPEAKING SOME SENSE YOU DIRTY SUB SIX FOOT LITTLE MAN BEFORE WE HAVE A PROBLEM, IS THAT CLEAR?

* Officer ████ attempted to speak but was silenced by the suspect*

TA: If I hear another sound out of you, you will find yourself getting into really big trouble so I'd best pipe down if I were you son!

Good day sir!

* The suspect then walks out the interrogation room, just before the intervention team arrive, a nationwide manhunt has begun and Officer ████ has been sent on permanent gardening leave.